My Worst Decision

Planning to further your studies? Think again. Choose your study options wisely. I've made a very bad decision, and the result is very distressing. The story goes like this...

It began in 2004 when my ex-girlfriend persuaded me to study for a master's degree. Reluctantly, I signed up as a part time student at a local university which has received our Prime Minister's Excellence Award. There were three programmes to choose from.

• Programme A: Research only
• Programme B: Coursework and thesis
• Programme C: Coursework and project paper

I chose Programme B without hesitating because it would be beneficial to have a thesis if I intend to do a Ph.D. some day. Programme A is too difficult as I'm a full time academic staff at a private university, while Programme C seems too "simple". In the first two years, I attended weekend classes diligently and passed all subjects. I completed all 26 credits on time. Midway through the course, some of my coursemates in the same programme decided to jump ship; they switched to Programme C, which they claimed was "easier to get through". I refused to follow them for I wanted something more challenging and worthy. I started seriously working on my thesis - that's another 9 credits. My supervisor had been extremely helpful then. It was tough though because we communicated via e-mail most of the time, and quite often I had to wait for her replies.

Things turned around when she began her Ph.D. studies at the same university. She had lesser time for me, and my own teaching load was rather heavy (18-24 hours/week) - excluding other administrative duties. After the viva in 2007, I had to resubmit the thesis because it was not up to the standard set by the university. It took me over half a year to get it done. My coursemates who took Programme C did not have to do viva; they merely presented at a seminar. The second time around, with my supervisor's guidance, my thesis was accepted by the examiner (I didn't have to do a second viva, thank god). Looks good, but it's not over yet...

The letter came and said that I qualify to be awarded the M.Ed. degree provided minor amendments are made. I was delighted as this is in fact the last stage. I thought that once I've met my supervisor and she approves, all I need to do is to get the formatting checked, bind five copies of the thesis in hardcover, submit to the Graduate Centre, and I'm done! Unfortunately, no.... not yet. I was unable to get my supervisor to check my thesis because she has been too busy with her Ph.D. studies. She said that she would get someone to assist. What the ****!! She gets a 3-year paid leave for her studies, while I've juggle between work and studies, forking out every dime to pay my fees. Yet she said "I'm busy"? She said she'd inform me by e-mail. I sent her an SMS to hasten things a bit, but she warned me not to do that - just wait for her e-mail. I waited as the closing date came nearer, but there was no news. I sent her another e-mail; she replied she was still waiting for assistance. The due date to submit was 24 June 2009 - it went by, and the draft of my thesis is still in her hands up till today (14 July).

I wrote a letter to the Deputy Dean to inform her of my predicament. I have been waiting for 5 freakin' years (since 2004) and I'm still not done. On the other hand, my coursemates who had jumped ship graduated in 2006-2007!! They must be smiling at my stupidity now. The Deputy Dean didn't reply my letter; I sent an e-mail. No reply too. Consequently, out of fear of being terminated, I had to request for a monthly extension. This means as long as no one checks my thesis, and as long as my thesis is not to my supervisor's expectations, I have to keep applying for extension till the cows come home. On top of that, for every new semester, I need to pay RM400 - I just did that.

I know I've worked bloody hard though I'm not really a "scholar material" - how much more does my supervisor want to squeeze from me? What if she still thinks my amendments were insufficient? Hey, look... I'm in the academic line, too. I know that it's a lecturer's prerogative whether to pass or fail a student. Apparently, I believe this supervisor wants perfection and certainly doesn't have intention to let me off the hook yet. She had advised me to get another supervisor long ago but I refused because I had already completed all the five chapters at that time, and I believed that she'd continue guiding me. Do I feel betrayed now? Maybe she's being irresponsible. I don't know. God help me. I guess, I should've gone for that Programme C switch. Things would've been really different, so would my paycheck. I do not intend to go on doing a Ph.D - I've already had enough Permanent Head Damage.

If you think studying for a postgraduate degree is a stroll in the park, think again. You're at the mercy of your supervisor(s). It's not for the faint-hearted.